As a therapist, much of my work is about how to challenge that little inner saboteur (shout out, Ru Paul). I use techniques from various modalities, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Internal Family Systems (IFS). If you’re curious, I draw on a practice called Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), which means I look at your developmental and relational history, and we work together to figure out what attachment patterns are harming or helping you. How we get there is up to us, and, often, we explore techniques that meet you where you are as a client. I use all sorts of things, such as mind maps and narrative storytelling, to get us there. I’d say the majority of the time, we identify the root of your saboteur as a result of your core beliefs.

Core beliefs are deeply ingrained ideas about yourself, likely formed in childhood, that inform your worldview. They are not something we are born with; rather, they are learned. These beliefs can be positive, but they generally lean more negative.

Some examples include “I am not capable” to “if I fail, then I’m deeply flawed.” Even if these beliefs are inaccurate, we tend to use them as the lens or filter through which we navigate. In other words, we use our core beliefs as an internal blueprint for how we relate and connect to others. That’s why people can resonate with the idea of “people-pleasing” or being a “people-pleaser”: they have a core belief that leads them to feel they need to please others.

While we wish we could contain these ideas to one aspect of our lives, the reality is that they bleed into the workplace in different ways.

Sticking with the people-pleaser belief, let’s explore together how it seeps into this person's approach to work 😅

Employee A has the core belief that “If I say no, I will not be liked.” This manifested into what we know as “people-pleasing.” Because of this belief, Employee A has troubled friendships and relationships, as they often put others before themselves. Consequently, this decreases Employee A’s confidence and self-concept, leading them to often feel incompetent. All through Employee A’s life, they have gone the “extra mile” to do whatever is necessary to stay in people’s “good graces” or avoid rejection. At work, this has taken the form of Employee A agreeing to additional projects/tasks when their personal bandwidth is already maxed. Employee A feels like saying “no” means:

You can start mapping how this affects self-talk and how it can serve as a catalyst for impacting performance. Yikes.

If this is you, I’m really sorry. This must be so exhausting! I can’t imagine the millions of thoughts that you have to cycle through and the mental gymnastics you have to do to barrel through.

By identifying these core beliefs, we can start to challenge them and, hopefully, reframe them into more productive thoughts that build us up rather than tear us down.

I share all of this to say that there is power in knowing which beliefs dictate your motivation at work. This will give you data on how you form and maintain work relationships and, more importantly, it gives you a direct line into yourself and the data you need to make changes, should you want to create those fancy things like “boundaries.”

This is a small scratch on the surface of inner work, but I find it’s so relevant to how people relate to each other at work, a place we spend most of our time. I’m cognizant that this doesn’t address all the other societal and institutional layers that further affect how we show up at work, but it provides a basic blueprint for figuring out how we want to show up and, ultimately, sustain ourselves. I’m constantly working with clients to challenge these beliefs because they show up in different ways. Ugh, growth, am I right?

If this resonates with you, I hope you have access to a therapist who can help you navigate this. It’s such critical work and an investment inself. If you don't, please don’t use ChatGPT (unless you have real support that can supplement whatever prompt you use).

So, to recap:

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free therapy above, also what a silly gif.